You meet someone and everything seems perfect at first. However, after some time you realize that things are not quite what they seemed, and feelings become intoxicating. It happens a lot in people’s lives. Many are in relationships with partners having a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). And looking at the relationship critically will help you understand if you are in a healthy relationship. Falling into a Narcissistic Relationship Pattern might be common, however, there are ways to spot it.
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Spotting a narcissist will help you avoid a Narcissistic Relationship Pattern. Narcissists are in love with the way other people see them. So, this makes it difficult for them to love others. Detecting a Narcissistic Relationship Pattern is not easy, however, if you want to spot a narcissist, look for these narcissistic traits:
Self-Importance
Narcissists often believe they are superior to others. So, they think they deserve the upper-class things only. And they expect others to recognize that they are superior.
The entitlement mentality
Narcissists believe they deserve to be treated better than others and that they have every right to get what they want. And, if they do not have this entitlement fulfilled, they become aggressive and outraged.
In need of constant admiration
Narcissists need to be admired; therefore, they surround themselves with people, who will praise them. However, they carefully choose these people, to make sure they can serve narcissists.
Intimidating others frequently
Narcissists feel insecure when they meet individuals who have something they don’t. They respond by putting others down and sometimes end up bullying and threatening others to restore their sense of superiority.
Exploiting others without feeling guilty
People who have narcissistic personality disorder lack empathy. They cannot feel for others, so they treat them as objects. They quickly take advantage of people who help them achieve their goals.
The Cycle of Narcissistic Relationship
Narcissistic relationships follow a certain cycle. The cycle has three main stages:
1st stage – Idealization
A relationship with a narcissist usually moves quickly. They seem very familiar, and you feel as though they are perfect for you. In the first weeks of dating narcissists tell you how they love you and that you will always be together.
2nd stage – Devaluation Stage
The true personality of a narcissist shows when you believe that you are in a perfect relationship. They begin criticizing you more often to chip away at your confidence by telling you that you are insecure and crazy. They also start questioning whether your friends are more important than them or telling you that the people you are friends with are not good enough. At the devaluation stage, they show themselves as victims of circumstances, usually blaming it on their ex or parents.
3rd stage – Discard Stage
Once narcissists no longer get what they want from their partners, they intensify the abuse. Even when the relationship is over, they carry on hurting their partners. They make toxic comments like “You’ll be alone the rest of your life”, “You are not a good person”, etc.
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Narcissistic Love Patterns
Narcissists use common love patterns and identifying them can assist you to detect narcissistic behavior.
1. Love Bombing
Narcissists bombard you with warmth to gain your trust and love but at the same time, they make you feel vulnerable. If they always say the right things and the relationship seems too good to be true, the partner is love bombing.
2. Laser focus is on you
They are curious about everything in your life. At first, it seems nice that they want to know you. However, true narcissists try to make you talk about the bad things in your life. There are several reasons they do it. If they manage to come up with solutions, that will make them look like heroes. However, they also want to collect all the information so they can use it later in a relationship to take you down. If they constantly make you talk about these topics, this could be a red flag indicating that you are in a narcissistic relationship.
3. Warnings that are difficult to understand
Narcissists very often will send subtle warnings. They might say that they don’t deserve you and you are too good to be with them. These warnings must be taken seriously.
4. Sympathy Through Vulnerability
The moment they understand you are committed to the relationship; true narcissists start to take away your self-esteem and self-confidence slowly. They demonstrate themselves as victims if you criticize them. Seeing themselves in a vulnerable position helps narcissists strengthen the trust you have in them. And an empathetic person like you will try to “fix” the hurt they are feeling. As a result, you will be pulled deeper into the relationship and will, later, face a difficult task.
5. Deflecting Responsibility
Narcissists rarely take responsibility. Most of the time the responsibility is deflected back onto their partners. They will do everything to convince you that you are reaction is inadequate, not their behavior.
6. Pulling you away from moving on
Narcissists do all the love-bombing first and then disappear. You try to understand what you could have done wrong. Then things go back to normal, and it happens again because they keep you addicted to them. And it becomes difficult for you to move on.
What to do to avoid a narcissistic relationship?
To avoid a narcissistic relationship, strengthen your mental resilience. Try to see true colors, and make sure your partner respects you and takes care of you. If you cannot feel that you are clearly in a narcissistic relationship. Set boundaries to break the narcissistic relationship cycle. Talking to your friends and family can also make you see things as they are. And joining a support group to talk about your feelings will assist you in taking steps toward a healthier relationship.
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