Why Non-Attachment is one of the Keys to a Happy Relationship and Life?
It might be surprising for you to hear that non-attachment is an essential quality for healthy love relationships. It is truly the key to a happy romance and life.
You may ask, is not non-attachment something very similar to indifference? The answer is no.
In fact, in all fields of life, and in our relationships with people, non-attachment is a highly beneficial state of mind, it also works with possessions, and even with our own physical body.
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The Definition and Idea of Non-Attachment
Non-attachment and Indifference are not the same.
It’s crucial to explain this common misunderstanding. Indifference implies a lack of interest and compassion toward a person or object.
On the other hand, non-attachment refers to the state of mind of being objective and not attaching, it actually comes from an in-depth consideration of the conditions of human existence.
Let’s say that you go on an organized trip with a bunch of people whom you are not familiar with. This group of people comes from all over the world and after the holiday is over you are not going to see them again.
In the group, there is someone that you find really interesting and attractive. You intend to make the most out of the few days that you can spend together as you know that you will share only a short time with him or her. You want to live these moments with passion and intensity, knowing that they will not last permanently and that you will have to part ways. However, you open yourself fully to the experience by accepting the situation.
In the above-mentioned situation, the circumstances of the encounter force you to be non-attached to the other individual and the experience you shared [unless you want to suffer greatly].
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How Does Non-Attachment Empowers Love Relationships?
Your thought might be that our intimate relationships do not evolve under the same conditions as in the instance above. But is that actually so? After all, just like people on a packaged trip, we human beings always share a limited lapse of time together.
In real life, the major difference is that you don’t have any hint about when your shared time with someone is going to end.
Life circumstances, the instability of emotions, and the imperfection of the human condition, all of these aspects make relationships much less predictable than we usually believe. Non-attachment will be the inevitable consequence if you meditate deeply upon the temporariness of life.
But just as in the above example, non-attachment in real life does not imply indifference, it will rather empower you to live every relationship with intensity and love, while being aware that it could end at any instant.
As life is a mixture of pleasure and pain, of comfort and hardship, non-attachment is a state of mind that will help you both in times of joy and sorrow. We attach to pleasure, hoping that it will never go, and we are overwhelmed by pain, worrying that it will never conclude.
We become able to tolerate difficult moments with a certain sense of humor by practicing non-attachment, knowing that “this too shall pass.” In the same manner, we can relish the beautiful moments of life without being tainted by the worry that they will end, as they definitely will.
All the above said doesn’t mean that you need to live in persistent insecurity, worrying that everything you rely upon could crush at any given moment. On the contrary, not being attached to pleasure and pain, or success and failure bring you back into connection with the only thing that is always present, safe, and stable – your center of pure love and awareness.
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How Non-Attachment Moves You Toward Unconditional Love
You will have found one of the pathways that leads to unconditional love when you start practicing non-attachment in your intimate relationships. Only a non-attached person, without expecting anything in return, can love unconditionally.
Being attached to individual means that you love him or her mainly because of his or her closeness or comfort, which makes you feel good. But what will occur when your loved one does something that troubles you or simply chooses to leave? In this case, attached love turns into bitterness, irritation, and anger.
You are not concerned with the results of your loving when you love with non-attachment. Without any conditions or limitations, you can love out of a genuine overflow of energy from the heart. Detached love just says “I love you,” without any conditions, while attached love expresses itself by the words “I love you, because…” You will realize that unconditional, pure love, is best conveyed by the words “I love.” A great mystic once said – “Love is not a relationship, it is a state of being.”
Non-Attachment Brings a Universal Approach to the Way You Show Your Love
Unconditional love doesn’t depend on the object of love. Although in a certain moment of your life your love might be concentrated on one specific individual, the act of loving does not depend on him or her. The unconditional love would still be there, even if that person disappeared from your life. When the right time comes, unconditional love will overflow from the heart, ready to concentrate on another incredible human being.
Non-attachment conveys to your loving a quality of universality, in which, the object of adoration is not anymore, the reason for it. The origin of any state of love is inside you, and you don’t depend on anyone to be capable to express it.
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This is one of the most liberating transformations that an individual can experience. Possibly, you have always thought that another person is accountable for bringing you into the incredible condition of being that you call “love.” But this false conception is the cause why you attach to others, you are afraid that they might leave, and you put upon them the responsibility of making you happy. You can continue loving others without fear and clinging once you understand that love springs from within you and that no other individual is responsible for it. You discover that no occasion in life, not even the death of your loved one, can take this condition of existing away from you.
In order to develop unconditional love, learning to practice non-attachment is one of the most important tools. This means having a non-clinging attitude toward both people and things, and the ability to enjoy the present moment with passion. Accepting the temporariness of life means reshaping all of our beliefs about existence – but owing to this process, the possibility arises for us to love fully, without fear, and conditions.