Sometimes it might seem like you are fighting for your boyfriend’s attention when he gets wrapped up with other things going on in his life. Let him know right away if you want him to put in a little more effort, maintaining communication, and feeling fulfilled as a couple is very important. Fortunately, there are some uncomplicated things you can do to bring up the issue. We will walk you through how to talk about how you’re feeling directly and some unpretentious ways to make him more attentive so you can strengthen your relationship.
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Address the issue politely and calmly
The purpose is to improve your relationship rather than argue. It’s absolutely fine to feel a bit frustrated when you’re not getting the desired attention, but try to talk about it in a calm way. Take into consideration that you are not trying to initiate an argument or “be right” about the matter, but rather say that you want to have a respectful discussion to enhance your communication and be stronger as a couple.
As an example, you can tell your boyfriend, “I just want to talk about my recent feelings without getting into a disagreement,” or “I care more about feeling good in our relationship than winning an argument.”
If you already feel the anxieties increasing, attempt to say something like, “I need a minute to calm down, but I would like to talk about how I am feeling soon.”
Directly say what you want
Miscommunication can be prevented by clearly stating what’s bothering you. It is impossible for your boyfriend to read your mind, so the only way he will know that there is a problem is if you bring it up. Let him know precisely how you are feeling as soon as you feel it so you can handle it right away.
As an example, you can say to him, “I feel that recently, I have put more work into our relationship,” or “I have a feeling like I haven’t gotten as much attention as I need.”
You might say as well something like, “I miss when we would message adorable things to each other all day,” or “I wish we could have a little more intimacy,” in case you feel like you are not getting as much love.
Since using words like “always” or “never” can make you sound harsher when you are talking about the issue, try to avoid using them. For instance, say “I’ve noticed you seeing your friends more than me lately, instead of saying “you always see your friends instead of me.”
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Use “I” statements
Concentrate on how you’re feeling instead of blaming your boyfriend. Condemning him for not paying attention to you might push him to get more defensive. Rather, talk about how his actions influence you. Always be certain to say how you felt because of it so it doesn’t sound as accusatory. However, you can still use the word “you” when you reference what he did.
As an example, say, “When I talk about things that are important to me I don’t feel like I’m being heard,” instead of saying something like, “You do not hear me when I’m talking.”
As another illustration, you could say, “I’m sad that we aren’t as physically close as we used to be,” rather than saying, “You never cuddle with me anymore.”
If you are not texting as frequently as you used to, you can try saying, “I miss the time when we could text back and forth like when we first started dating.”
Explain how specific situations influence your feelings
When you’re explaining to him, try to be as clear as you can so there aren’t any miscommunications. Try to follow the format, “I feel X in situation Y when you do Z.” When you phrase your sentences this way, it gives your boyfriend the details of what triggered the problem and what he can do to make it better.
As an example, you might say something like, “I feel like I’m a second thought when you come home and take a few minutes before saying hi to me.”
One more example, you can say to him, “I feel like I’m not as important as your friends when you go out with them without asking if I want to come with you”
In case, if he is not returning a text message, you could say, “I feel like I’m being ignored when I send you a message and it takes a few hours to respond.”
You’re just talking about how his actions made you feel, though this may seem like you’re blaming him at first.
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Make one request at a time
In order not to overwhelm your boyfriend, work on gradual changes. Pick one thing that’s the most important to address right away even if there are a lot of things your guy can do to improve. Once he follows through with your first request, you can always bring up any other changes you want later.
As an example, you might say to him, “I think I would feel better if you asked me to hang out on the weekend before making plans with your friends.”
In case you want to be more physically intimate, you can say, “I really want to make some time where we can be affectionate and cuddle all day.”
Be patient with your boyfriend, because some people have a harder time adjusting to changes than others. He’s doing the best he can, as long as you see him putting in the effort.
Ask him if his needs are met
If your boyfriend feels unfulfilled, he might not give you attention. Find out if there’s anything that your BF feels is missing from the relationship while you’re chatting. Give him an opportunity to open up and describe what would make him the happiest with you. Actively listen to what he is saying so you can see any areas where you can get better too.
As an example, you can say, “How can I support you to feel better in our relationship?”
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Compromise on a solution
In order to figure out what will work best to grow your connection, you have to work together on issues. It is quite rare that you are going to get just what you ask for, so talk over the options with your BF. Try to find something that makes both of you feel satisfied and happy. Regularly check in with each other so you can stay updated on what is working and what is not.
As an example, you might compromise that your BF can have a night or two each week to spend with friends without asking you. For instance, If you want more physical affection, you might decide to schedule times every day when you can be close and cuddly without any other distractions.
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